Adventures in Online Dating Vol. 1 MeetMe

Let’s face it.  Most of us aren’t going to walk into a coffee shop for our morning cup of joe, see a face across the crowded room and fall madly in love at first sight.  Even fewer of us will marry our high school sweetheart — I sure won’t be.  Some of us may find our love at work or in college or by accidentally hitting their car in the supermarket parking lot.  For those of us who don’t, can’t, shouldn’t date in the locations they normally visit, there’s online dating.

You’ve seen the commercials: “I found the love of my life on [Insert Dating App].com and I couldn’t be happier”.

😂😂😂

These commercials make me want to roll my eyes right out of the socket.  If you’ve ever been a female in the online dating game, you know that you have to trudge through some complete shit before you find someone with whom is even worth having a decent conversation.  So, for your viewing pleasure, I’ve decided to dive into some dating apps to give you a sneak peek at what’s ahead of you should you decide to pursue online dating.

MeetMe logo

In today’s episode of ‘Adventures in Online Dating’, we take a step into the shit pool that is MeetMe.  I use MeetMe as my first episode because, well, MeetMe was the first online dating/meeting people app I’ve ever used.  I briefly mentioned in How to NOT Transition into Polyamory MeetMe, originally MyYearbook.  When I moved to Texas in 2010, I knew no one except my family.  To incorporate myself into the world that is the Dallas/Fort Worth area I signed up for MyYearbook.  In 2012, MyYearbook was renamed MeetMe and again in 2014 was rebranded to The Meet Group.

Before we get into the nitty-gritty of the asshats I had the pleasure of speaking with, let’s talk about the features of the app!

The app opens to the ‘Locals’ tab, where people in your area will pop up that are online and/or using the ‘Live Now’ feature.  Both the ‘Locals’ and ‘Live Now’ feature are unique aspects to this app that I don’t see on many other dating apps.  Some such as OKCupid will show when a person is online but doesn’t provide a section to view just those online (if it does and I’m totally lying, call me out on it).

The ‘Chat’ tab is exactly as it sounds.  It provides an area where people can DM/PM you.  The downside, and a bit of an update, to this app, is that you don’t have to match someone to message then, or even like them.  Unique to this app is the ‘just joined’ aspect of the ‘Chat’ tab.  When a person joins who is in your area (distance undetermined), you’ll get a notification in your inbox advising you.

I’ll be honest, I never used the ‘Listen’ tab, and I have no interest in even trying.  ‘Me’ will take you to your profile.  It’s similar to those on all dating apps: Orientation, Relationship status, Body type, Religion, etc.  It does have one feature that I really enjoyed.  Tags!  There are around 40 different tags you can add to your profile.  Of those 40, you can add five tags.  When you visit another person’s profile, it will tell you how many tags you have in common.

Another one of my favorite features is the “Creep or Fake” options.  If a person is coming off as a creep or the person who is messaging you seems like a bot you can select one of these two options.  When enough people select these buttons the person will be reprimanded.  I’m not sure of the course of action, could be banned from the app, could be suspended…

Some other features of the app that are exclusive to this app (again, if I’m lying, call me out on it), are:

  • Discuss — similar to Facebook’s News Feed, however, everyone can see what you post, not just your friends.
  • The ability to post as many photos as you want.
  • Admirers — a game of matching, wherein each round 11 photos are shown and you guess who you think likes you (personally I select those whom I like so I don’t end up matching someone I don’t really like).
  • Friends/Favorites/Fans — Just as it sounds, you can add anyone as a friend (they have to accept), you can mark someone as a favorite, or become a fan of someone.

The app itself is very laggy and ad-filled.  In fact, if you’re trying to message someone quickly…you can’t.  When you click on someone’s DM/PM wait five seconds because an ad is going to pop up at the bottom of the screen where you type, on which you will inevitably click.  The website is worse.  It’s been in Beta for as long as the app has been in production and its more rudimentary than my Geocities website I created when I was 11.

Now, I know most of you didn’t come here to learn about the app.  You came here for the gory details.  You want to know about the people and my personal experience on the app.  Well, pour yourself your preferred alcoholic beverage, pull up a chair, and sit down because I have some stories to tell you.

Let’s start with the most common questions:

  • “What’s your name?” — Jewell
  • “What are you looking for?” — Friends/Chatting
  • “Where are you from?” — Maryland

Literally, all of these questions can be answered by looking at my profile.  In fact, the first one can be seen when they’re messaging me.  Think I’m being nit-picky?  I’m just getting started, so refill that glass and get comfortable.

I had a gentleman message me telling me he was married.  My response was, one, why did I need to know when I’m not looking for more than friends, and, two, I don’t condone cheating.  “Okay, I guess I won’t take you out” was his response.

A 29-year-old man messaged me to ask if I would take his virginity.  This, by no means, is a bash on abstinence.  This is a bash on the clearly unable to/unwilling to read person.

I got asked if I was on birth control, if my mother and father grabbed me arms when I talked back to them as a teen, if I was lying about not wanting a hookup, if I was into bondage, and the crème de la crème…

You can read all the wonderful conversations I had with the most pleasant people in this photo album.  If you want a sneak peek at a few of the stellar ones, take a look at the slideshow below.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

JewellUncensoredSignature

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

 

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