You Know You’re Polyamorous When Vol. 4

This is a seven-part series touching on everything from your metamour and paramour tag-teaming to tea you to the numerous metaphors used to describe your polycule’s calendar.  Thank you to all of my polyamorous family in the multitude of Facebook groups I’m in for their contribution to this post.  By no means is this list fulling encompassing; if I’ve missed something you’d like to see in the next part of this series, leave a comment!

You know you’re polyamorous when…

  • You have to consult 3 calendars just to make sure everyone is available to go to an event.
  • You have to navigate Valentine’s very carefully, to try and spend time with each partner, but not necessarily all on the same day.
  • You have a second date and a first date this weekend – in that order.
  • One date change sets off a string of date changes.
  • You need a planner to remember the functions that go on in your polycule.
  • You collaborate with your metamour for birthday/Christmas plans.
  • You have a bed rotation/sleeping schedule at your house so everyone gets time with each other and alone.
  • You have to ask your partner if your potential partner can spend the night while you lay in bed with feeling a little guilty for finishing plans on their time.
  • Your Google Calendar is the most used app on your phone.
  • You only schedule doctors’ appointments on specific days that aren’t promised to a partner.
  • Your calendar looks like someone dumped a bag of skittles on it cause everyone is a different color.
  • Google calendar is life.
  • You check your shared Google Calendar more often than your Facebook.
  • Your Google Calendar looks like it’s always celebrating pride month.
  • Google calendar outages are one of your biggest fears.
  • You constantly have to expand your Google Calendar to view all the entries.
  • Your calendar is always full.
  • Your color-coded schedule looks like a pride flag.
  • You are way too passionate about Google Calendar.
  • You have to check Google Calendar to figure out who you are seeing that night.
  • Figuring out schedules requires a Master of Engineering degree.
  • You have to plan 10 days out to see someone that lives 15 minutes away because your schedules never align.
  • Figuring out your polycule’s schedule is extremely difficult.
  • Your Google Calendar has so many colors on it you need a larger screen.
  • You Google Calendar looks like a unicorn threw up on it.
  • You start to forget who gets what color because there are too many.
  • Your calendar contains more colors than exist in a standard box of Crayola.
  • You check Google Calendar before making any plans.
  • You have an hour each week reserved primarily just for going over the calendar Calendar, Grocery List, and Meal Planning.
  • You have to make literal appointments with partners. Scheduled a week in advance.
  • Your Google Calendar looks like Christmas lights trying to keep everyone’s schedules managed.
  • You meet someone for the first time, but they already have access to your Google Calendar.
  • You thought Google Calendar was stupid and now you can’t survive without it.
  • You make plans with your partner through your metamour.
  • You have to schedule a time to use the bathroom.
  • You have a group chat to schedule dates to make sure everyone’s schedules align.
  • Your Google Calendar looks like a toddler spilled watercolors across it.
  • Your child wants to help put up the magnets on the whiteboard calendar that shows who is sleeping in what room and who is waking up with her to make breakfast in the morning.
  • There are not enough colors available on Google Calendar to properly color code all of your dates.
  • You have a shared Google Calendar for dates.
  • You spend more time scheduling than dating.
  • “What’s your schedule for next week?” needs to be constantly asked.
  • You have a date with your partner, and the day before that, you have a coffee date with his partner.
  • Your default answer to any plans is, “Let me just share my Google Calendar with you, it’s easier.”
  • You sit down with your partner(s) at the beginning of each week/month and literally write a schedule for the week/month so you can visually see all the stuff you’re doing.
  • You have a new date Friday morning, a date Friday night, date with another Saturday, and date with a possible partner Sunday.
  • You can add “the ability to use a shared calendar to avoid scheduling mishaps” to your resume.
  • You have a calendar on the fridge for just our work schedules.
  • An ongoing consideration is asking your partner when her date night is this week.

Read the other parts of the series!

Volume One | Volume Two | Volume Three | Volume Four
Volume Five | Volume Six| Volume Seven

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Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

6 thoughts on “You Know You’re Polyamorous When Vol. 4

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