Glossary

A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I | J | K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S | T | U | V | W | X | Y | Z

A

Agender: a person who is without gender.

Ageplayer: a person who engages in role-play in which one or more of the participants takes on an age other than their chronological age.

Ambigusweetie: A partner whose relationships aren’t clearly defined.

Asexual: being attracted to no person of any sex or gender.

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B

Babyboy: a person who identifies as possessing childlike traits, usually masculine-presenting.

Babygirl: a person who identifies as possessing childlike traits, usually feminine-presenting.

Binary: A word meaning “two of” used to describe social understandings based on the two common genders; either male or female

Bisexual erasure/invisibility: the tendency to ignore, remove, falsify, or reexplain evidence of bisexuality in history, academia, the news media, and other primary sources.

Big: a person who takes on a nurturing or parental role in a relationship dynamic.

Bigamy: A relationship in which one person has two spouses.

Bisexual: being attracted to two or more sexes or genders.

Bootblack: a person who polishes and/or spit-shines a pair of boots, either as a gesture of submission, -style uniform play, boot worship, or to mark the beginning of a scene.

Bottom: a person who gives up control, or who receives physical sensation from a Top.

Brat: a submissive with a reputation for talking back, being disrespectful or mildly disobedient.

Bull: a male who assists a cuckoldress in cuckolding her partner.

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C

Cheating: A type of unethical non-monogamy where a person has multiple sexual or romantic partners that do not all know of each other. In polyamory, knowingly doing anything that circumvents the agreements of the relationship. It doesn’t just have to be sex or romance behind someone’s back.

Cis-cis: a person who identifies as such because of their assigned sex and they maintain traditional gender roles and psychological feelings in accordance with their assigned sex.

Cisgender (cis): a person who has a gender identity that aligns with what they were assigned at birth.

Cis-genderless: a person who defaults to their assigned gender due to either lacking gendered feelings or lacking understanding of gender.

Compersion: Refers to the feeling of joy at seeing another partner experience joy.

Cougar: an older woman seeking sexual activity or a sexual relationship with a younger man.

Cowboy: A monogamous person who dates someone polyamorous with the intention of turning it into a monogamous relationship, sometimes by ending the polyamorous partner’s other relationships.

Cuckold: a man who enjoys a scenario such as being forced to sit and watch quietly while his partner has sex.

Cuckoldress: a woman who cuckolds her partner.

Cuckquean: a female who enjoys a scenario such as being forced to sit and watch quietly while her partner has sex.

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D

Daddy: a male who takes on a caregiving role in a relationship; often, but not always, a Dominant and frequently observed to be nurturing.

DADT (Don’t Ask Don’t Tell): A version of ethical non-monogamy in which an open relationship is agreed upon, but neither partner shares intimate details about their interactions with other lovers.

Demisexual: being attracted to another once a greater bond is formed.

Disciplinarian: a person who trains another person to act or behave in a specified way, often by enforcing rigid codes of conduct or by inflicting punishment for failure to behave in a prescribed way.

Doll: a person who enjoys being or evolving into a doll-like state mentally and physically.

Dominant (m or f: Dom; f: Domme/Domina): a person who exercises control in a D/s relationship.

Drag King: a female performance artist who dresses in masculine drag and personifies male gender stereotypes.

Drag Queen: a male performance artist who dresses in feminine drag and personifies female gender stereotypes.

Dyad: Another word for a couple, or two people in a relationship with one another.

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E

Egalitarian: A situation or relationship that is fair, equitable, and in which all parties have equal power.

Emotional Attraction: the desire to share emotional vulnerability with a person

Emotional Fidelity: An agreement between two or more people to be emotionally faithful to each other.

Evolving: a person undergoing a gradual change in the world of kink.

Exploring: a person on an open journey through the world of kink.

Exhibitionist: a person who delights in, or obtains some form of gratification from, behaving extravagantly in order to attract attention.

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F

Fetishist: a person who gains sexual excitement through a fetish.

Fidelity: Emotional or sexual faithfulness to one’s partner(s).

Fluctuating: a person having unpredictable ups and downs in the world of kink.

Fluid Bonded: This refers to the pre-negotiated exchange of bodily fluids during sexual activity. AKA: Sexual contact without safer sex barriers.

Furry: a person who identifies in an anthropomorphic role.

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G

Gay: being attracted to the same sex or gender, traditionally a male attracted to other males.

Gender: a person’s personal understanding of what it means to be male, female, or something else, based on their understanding of their own identity, as well as the influence of all the gender messages they have experienced in their lifetimes.

Genderqueer: a person whose gender identity cannot be limited to male or female.

Graphoerotica: The kink or fetish of writing and/or drawing on your partner.

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H

Handler: a person who performs the Top role in pet play, most commonly (but not exclusively) with pups and ponies.

Hedonist: a person with a strong focus on the pursuit of pleasure, especially the pleasures of the senses.

Heteroflexible: being attracted to the opposite sex or gender but sometimes finding the same sex or gender appealing.

Homoflexible: being attracted to the same sex or gender but sometimes finding the opposite sex or gender appealing.

Hotwife: a married woman who has sexual relationships outside of her marriage, with the full knowledge and consent of her husband.

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I

Intersex: a person who is born with genetic, hormonal, or physical sex characteristics that do not fit the medical definitions of male or female.

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J

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K

Kajira: a Gorean term for a slave girl.

Kajirus: a Gorean term for a male slave.

Kinkster: a person characterized by “unusual” or fetishistic sexual preferences or behavior.

Kitten: a person who identifies as a kitten or cat in pet play.

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L

Leatherboi: a person who is involved in and/or identifies with the Leather community in a submissive or subordinate role.

Leather bottom: a person within the leather community or tradition who receives action from a Leather Top.

Leatherboy: a usually masculine-presenting person who is involved in and/or identifies with the Leather community in a submissive or subordinate role.

Leather Daddy: a paternal figure within the Leather community or tradition in a dominant role.

Leathergirl: a usually feminine-presenting person who is involved in and/or identifies with the Leather community in a submissive role.

Leatherman: a usually masculine-presenting person who is involved in and/or identifies with the Leather community in a dominant role.

Leather Mommy: a maternal figure within the Leather community or tradition in a dominant role.

Leather Top: a person within the Leather community or tradition who performs an action on a Leather bottom.

Leatherwoman: a usually feminine-presenting person who is involved in and identifies with the Leather community in a dominant role.

Lesbian: being a female attracted to other females.

Limerence: The state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. Also known as New Relationship Energy (NRE).

Little: a person who takes on a young persona.

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M

Masochist: a person who enjoys receiving pain or humiliation.

Master: a usually masculine-presenting owner of a submissive or slave.

Metamour: Your partner’s partner.

Middle: a person who is a little who identifies slightly older, as pre-teens or teens.

Mistress: a usually feminine-presenting owner of a submissive or slave.

Mommy: a person who takes on a caregiving role in a relationship, frequently seen as nurturing.

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N

Nantaimori: The practice of serving sashimi or sushi on the (usually naked) body of a man. (see nyotaimori for female platter).

New Relationship Energy (NRE): The exciting feeling at the beginning of every relationship. This can last anywhere from a few weeks to a few years. Scientifically, this is caused by oxytocin and vasopressin being released in the brain. Also known as limerence.

Noetisexual: a mental attraction rather than a purely “intellectual” one and being attracted to the way their minds work rather than simply one ill-defined facet of it.

Non-binary Gender: any gender identity which does not fit the male and female binary.

Nullo: The abbreviation of total genital nullification. This is the act of removing the genitalia completely or making it unusable.

Nyotaimori: The practice of serving sashimi or sushi on the (usually naked) body of a woman. (see nantaimori for male platter).

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O

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P

Pansexual: being attracted to any person without regard to sex or gender.

Pet: a bottom who enjoys animal play or a pampered submissive treated as a human type of pet.

Phallcony: the pooch some men have above their penis but below their gut or waistline.

Physical attraction: the desire to share sexual intimacy with a person.

Polyamorous: The state of having multiple sexually or romantically committed relationships at the same time, with the consent of all partners involved. It means having multiple committed relationships with people you are mutually in love with, and everyone wants it to be that way. This is not to be confused with swinging or multiple relationships, where you are sleeping with the other people or they are friends with benefits, whom you love.

Polyfidelity: A closed polyamorous relationship. Generally, this involves more than two people involved in relationships with each other, all of whom have agreed not to pursue other relationships.

Polyfuckery: People who pretend to be polyamorous, usually to get sex or attention. This is often engaged in by “fuckboys” or “fuckgirls.” Some of these people will engage in multiple polyamorous relationships for a short amount of time but will end them all before any can become intimate. Using the guise of Polyamory to create connections that are void of love, ethics, integrity or consent.

Polysaturated: The point at which the thought of another relationship, or another hobby, leaves one feeling more exhausted than excited.

Polysexual: being attracted to multiple, but not all, sexes or genders.

Polyunsaturated: When a polyamorous person already has at least one partner and is actively seeking other partners.

Pony: a submissive dressed in a harness, often very decorative, usually with a bit gag and a butt plug with a tail.

Primal: a person who brings out the basest animal instinct that people feel.

Primal Predator: a primal who seeks to hunt and attempt to capture prey.

Primal Prey: a primal who seeks to be hunted by a predator.

Princess: a person who requires a very particular treatment of praise, care, and/or attention.

Pup: a person who identifies as a puppy or dog, or as having puppy or dog characteristics.

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Q

Queer: an overarching term for all of the LGBTQA+.

Queerplatonic (or quasiplatonic): A relationship that is not romantic but involves a close emotional connection (platonic) beyond what most people consider friendship. The commitment level in a queerplatonic relationship is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship. People in a queerplatonic relationship may be of any romantic or sexual orientation. A partner in a queerplatonic relationship is called a zucchini.

Questioning: being unsure of the specific sexual orientation to which one identifies.

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R

Rigger: a person who practices the art of bondage; mostly with rope.

Romantic Attraction: the desire to have a relationship with a person.

Rope Bottom: a person who receives rope bondage.

Rope Bunny: a person who likes to bottom to bondage, usually feminine-presenting, or a demo model for rope work, such as shibari.

Rope Top: a person who performs rope bondage.

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S

Sadist: a person who enjoys inflicting pain or humiliation on another.

Sadomasochist: a person who enjoys both inflicting and receiving pain or humiliation.

Sapiosexual: being attracted to another’s mind over all other aspects (could be considered a fetish rather than a sexual orientation).

Sensualist: a person with a strong focus on the pursuit of sensual pleasures and interests.

Sex Assigned at Birth: the assumptions made about an infant’s gender based on the observation of their external genitals at birth.

Sex-positive: promoting and embracing sexuality and sexual expression, with an emphasis on safe and consensual sex.

Sexual Orientation: a combination of physical, romantic, and emotional attractions that determine with whom people want to have relationships or engage in sexual activity.

Sissy: a male submissive who uses feminization (dressed as a “girl” or naked), often to reach a different emotional or mental state.

Slave: a person who consensually gives total control to their Master/Mistress/Owner.

Slut: a person who embraces the freedom to engage in sexual activity in accordance with their desires regardless of conventional values.

Spankee: a person who enjoys being spanked.

Spanker: a person who enjoys spanking others.

Spanko: a person who enjoys spanking others; this person differs from a spanker as they are in a culture based on submissive, hetero-normative, white, cis-women being spanked because they are “naughty” exclusive of most of the excuses, fetishes, reasons, roles or motivations used in the BDSM community.

Sploshee: A person, either nude or clothed, who partakes in being covered by another person in foods of different tastes, textures, and temperature.

Splosher: A person, either nude or clothed, who partakes in covering another person in foods of different tastes, textures, and temperature.

Sploshing: A sexual and/or sensual food exchange, in which at least one person covers another person in foods of different tastes, textures, and temperatures.

Straight: being attracted to the opposite sex or gender.

Submissive (sub): a person who desires to give up control of themselves, or of certain aspects of their lives, to a Dominant partner.

Swinger: a person or couple in a committed relationship who swap(s) partners for sex.

Switch: a person whose role ‘switches’ between a Dominant/sadistic and submissive/masochistic depending on the person with which they’re playing or their mood.

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T

Third Gender: a gender identity used to describe any gender role outside of binary male or female.

Top: a person in control during a scene or in play.

Total Genital Nullification: This is the act of removing the genitalia completely or making it unusable.

Toy: a person who is treated and used as a toy, be it sex, play, dog, or fuck toy.

Transgender: a person whose internal experience of gender does not match the gender they were assigned at birth.

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U

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V

Vanilla: a person who is not involved in BDSM, fetish, or kinky lifestyle.

Voyeur: a person who enjoys witnessing others’ sensual or sexual play.

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W

Wittol: A male who has no objection to his partner having sexual relations with others.

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X

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Y

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Z

Zucchini: A partner in a queerplatonic relationship. The commitment level between partners is often considered to be similar to that of a romantic relationship, but with platonic love. Zucchinis may be of any romantic or sexual orientation.
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